This one time, the old professor in the crime scene house (the murder occurred downstairs - the prof's assistant) was a smoker; he had some particularly NICE ones which Holmes recognized, enthused over as an aficionado - next thing you know, Holmes conducts the whole interview pacing back and forth, chain-smoking like a spaz and gesticulating wildly, filling the whole fucking room up with smoke as he and the prof have their little talk.
The whole point of this big act (apart from to put the professor at ease with all this unforced camaraderie) was so he could pop his head in the door an hour later and see where the murderer had been hiding! The tracks were right there in the scattered ash. She had been concealed in a cabinet or something. The professor knew it all the time.
HOLLLLLLLLLLLLMES!!
What a fuckin' weirdo that guy was, you know? Or what about the time he knocked the fucking oranges over and blamed it on Watson! Watson was like "what the fuck?" Still, Watson kept a cool hand, suspecting Holmes had a big fucking foot in the game. Which he did. Which he always did. I can't help but love Sherlock Holmes and his outré ways! It could be he is even as arrogant as myself.
It wasn't always so. Me and my love of Sherlock Holmes, I mean. I had a copy of the big huge A. Conan Doyle collected, "Compleat" as it were - couldn't fucking get any headway through it at all! Why, it might as well have been the fucking Bible at that age. I forget how old I was at that point, but I wasn't understanding the charms it had hath. So to speak. Anyhow, then years or decades later I see the Robert Downey Jr. / Jude Law ones - fairly recent films. Now I'm the first to admit Downey Jr. looks nothing remotely like Holmes-as-described, OK? But I have to admit, his take on the role made a mark, and when I saw that big ol' Conan Doyle doorstop kicking around, I said "let me have another go at it."
DELIGHTFUL! I tore through the whole thing in essentially, one sitting! Punctuated by several standings and a lying down, okay, but I assure you the book was open and in progress. Just, one's bodily needs, okay? You got to get yourself a cheese-grilled sandwich, you get yourself a cheese-grilled sandwich. Unlike Holmes, we the readers aren't necessarily compelled to ignore these things just because Sherlock's all hot on the scent and shit.
And you know what? It was Downey Jr.'s incarnation of Holmes that spirited me through Doyle's collected stories. All through that book and since, I just keep on picturing Holmes as Robert Downey Jr. Every time the story mentions or describes what Holmes looks like, I'll say to myself, "that's peculiar," then pass it by. I can't seem to picture Holmes another way, now. I think it's that wide-eyed look he gives us - that look of pretended innocence in some or another matter where we know full well Holmes is up to something! Picturing Sherlock Holmes in his usual classically-depicted unimpressed bird-nosed long-limbed gawky asceticism just wasn't doing it for me. Who wants to hang out with that guy? I don't care how smart he is.
Without changing the peculiar nature of Holmes's character - his acerbity, his impatience with others and disdain for ordinary life, his delight in a challenge and in the exercise of his powers, his pride in advancing the so-called "science of detection" (basically just some bull shit he knocked together himself that nobody else can even do right), his instinct for the dramatic flourish, with all secrets kept for the big reveal - something about Downey Jr.'s take provided the key to the character for me. He made all these things click. With previous Holmeses, a lot of the time I just thought "this guy's a dick, but we need to humor him if we want these crimes solved." Basically you bite the bullet for the greater good. Whereas Downey Jr. makes that same cocktail of characteristics delightful! Delightful. I love to watch him work!
Mind you, I'm not saying a bad word about Rathbone. My mom would kill me. This Cumberbatch guy does a damn good job as well, but something about seeing Holmes running around modern London makes me say "Why not just put him on the Starship fucking Enterprise at that point?" It's not fucking Sherlock Holmes, man. A perfectly valid update/reboot, of course - putting a character in a different setting, hey, it's just done. It's one of those things they're allowed to do - whether I buy it or not. And if you're going to do it, best to do it well. In particular, I must cite the brilliant job they've updating and adapting those methods of observation and deduction. Holmes trains his magician's eye upon all modern details to deliver a classic performance each time, very much in tune with the original. A neat trick.
4 comments:
Whoops. This was supposed to go on my other blog. This blog is meant to offer content with no purpose! Whereas I tend to put the serious criticism on that other blog. Well, I stand by it.
HOLLLLLLLLLLLLLMES!!!!!
While I do enjoy the works of Moffat and Gatiss, I'm inclined to agree with you. In fact, they did hurl him into space ships via "Sherlock Holmes in the 22nd Century", a cartoon that is charming only in so far as the animating prowess and voice acting permits. But you're right, it is odd. I understand why such a thing should be done though. So many great stories, characters, and the mythos bound to them get overlooked as the world races to advance in any and all aspects it can, thereby distorting the spark and shine of the works in question in favour of our fantastic glossing process these days. It's a sad state of affairs to say the least.
I will not damn these filmsmiths for their efforts though. They just wanted the chitlins of today to give those bygone works another look, because look they're actually pretty okay and tweetworthy. Just as well, the story, while warped by the current generational lenses and backdrops, remains mostly intact, and in some cases is improved by the medium ten fold.
That said, my Holmes history seems to run parallel to yours. Entwines even, in a most disconcerting fashion. A second look is sometimes warranted. Squeedly bop!
Somebody should do Sherlock Holmes in Ancient Greece.
No time travel involved or anything! Just some guy, who happened to be living at that ancient day and age. Calls himself Sherlock Holmes! Has a peculiar set of methods...which he applies to solve various cases involving regular joes and in some cases, royalty - or maybe even the gods! Sweet!
Watch it though, Holmes - can't beat cases like that for prestige, but you don't want to run afoul of those wrathfully divine egos!
OK, this was exclusive NO-PURPOSE CONTENT for a good while, but eventually I know I had to break down and republish it on my regular blog. Which is pretty usual for me, though - I anthologize a lot over there.
HOLLLLLMMMMES!!!!
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