By
now it is no secret that I have little to no love for this game series
so I apologize if my report appears to be less of a review and more of a
diatribe contrived from the 6 year Ubisoft campaign to make a profit on
the backs of historical figures and the senseless assassination of said
figures. Keep in mind, however, that I am ill informed regarding the
content of several of the Creed titles as I so affectionately refer to
them because they remind me of that god awful band that formed back in
the early 90s. That being said, my report will be specifically about
Black Flag with little to no influence of previous titles so rest
assured, any unbiased opinions will be left at the door. With that out
of the way, let's crack on, shall we?
Assassins Creed IV(which is
really more like Assassins Creed VI but why split hairs) starts off
with both a literal and metaphorical bang, springing you into the fold
of an all out aquatic battle that despite the many sailors standing
right next to the helm puts you at the wheel of a great and lumbering
vessel. The water fight, though visually stunning, seems to be a clunky,
contrived bit of gameplay tacked on to make it seem like the developers
are doing something new with the title. I can understand how the
helmsman would be responsible for putting the ship into a good position
to fire but having him be the one who decides the distance as well as
precisely when to fire seems absurd to me, but then the gameplay
wouldn't be at all riveting without that mechanic so I can see why they
did it.
Despite the actions of the courageous nobody you
control, who we later identify as the 22 year old scallywag for hire,
Edward Kenway, the gunpowder ignites and sends the player overboard,
diving us headlong into a flashback scene that establishes some
semblance of a romantic plot point that will no doubt be used against
the protagonist later on. After the flashback wraps up, we're told to
swim to shore and it's at this point that I'm reminded of one of the
reasons why I never particularly cared for these games. Linear gameplay.
Follow this line. Go to this blinky dot. Make no attempt to discover
anything yourself because we went to a lot of effort to point this path
out for you. But I digress. Perhaps the story may be it's salvation.
Once
you get to shore, which is for some reason a bright and balmy day, a
far cry from the intense storm you were fighting in moments before, you
encounter the man who assassinated your captain. He appears gravely
injured and makes you an offer to get him safely to Havana, to which you
for all intents and purposes say "You have the money on you? Yeah? Then
fuck you!" and proceed to chase the bastard down and murder him. The
developers did not waste time trying to make the pirate with a heart of a
gold and that's one thing I can appreciate. I'm sick of this "pirates
are cool" thing that's been going around over the last decade so it's
nice to see a scumbag truly embrace his own foulness.
Rifling
through the mans pockets afterward you come across a note that tells of
great fortune, to which our anti-hero says "Home girls gonna get PAID!"
and straps on our late friends gear that for whatever bullshit reason
has no blood on it whatsoever despite the player having just skewered
the last man wearing it. Conveniently, Mr. Kenway (now masquerading as
Duncan) happens upon a fellow by the name of Stede who's being oppressed
by the kings own royal navy, and guess where ol' Stedey is going? Yep,
another convenient bit of storytelling. Havana is in this year though,
right? You kill the navy men, hop aboard a new vessel and speed your
clunky ass way to Havana and thank fuck they don't make you steer the
entire way there. Wind Waker satisfied all our open sea needs ages ago.
Even
with such a contrived storyline though, I can't deny it is a visually
stunning piece of gaming. The water reflects just so, the trees wave in
the wind etc. The game mechanics seem a little off but that could just
be because the play tester in the video has replaced his thumbs with
mushy grapes. One can never really be sure without playing it firsthand.
From this little tutorial, I have come to the conclusion that it's all
really just more of the same, but if you liked previous titles then
that's a good indicator that you'll like this one. Because it is exactly the same. but y'know...with boats and whores and rum, which god forbid, had better not be gone.
If you're anything like me though, you'll steer your vessel clear of this one lads. (see what I did there? Nautical humour!)
This is the Derfender of Piece signing off. But keep a weather eye on the horizon for my next review! Take er easy.
Sincerely,
Frederick Mckay jr._________________________________________President, CEO, Janitor of the Derfender of Piece Game Reviewers
3 comments:
I've been staying away from the series after they released footage of the third. I am not wrong to do so, it seems.
Also, my resume shall now have the phrase "Scallywag for Hire" upon it. Somewhere.
Perhaps a game like this could be better titled Slave To Fate: Linear Commando
If I've dissuaded at least two people from perpetuating a long line of...long line following, I'm happy. Ish.
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